Do you hang onto your clothing like a codependent relationship?

Hey, there,

You know what I’m talking about. It’s those pants that you’ve had since college – way back then, the moment you slipped them on, they made you feel like you were hot stuff. You always relied on them to make you feel good. And they did every time. But now, they just hang there, dysfunctional and threadbare, collecting dust.

And then there’s that shirt. It was your favorite go-to for many years. You lost count of all the compliments your received when you wore it. Now all you feel is bored and uninspired when you put it on. What happened to the love and excitement you two shared? 

And what about those hangers-on? You don’t really love them but for some reason…whatever reason, you can’t seem to get rid of them. Every time you go to your closet to get dressed, there they are taking up your precious space and time, their dangling hangtags flashing their worth, reminding you just how much you invested, with little or no return. 

Out of frustration, you slam the closet door, swearing that you’ll never allow another mediocre __________ in your life again. You smile to yourself, take a deep breath, grab your wallet, and head to your favorite department store once more, to find your true love.

Is this your MO?

I spend a lot of time in the closet. I know…I know…many people spend their whole lives trying to get out. But my joy is in the closet. It’s one of my favorite places to hang out. No pun intended. 

If you’ve fallen back into a bad codependent relationship with some of your clothes, for whatever reason, know that you’re not alone. I’ve been working in closets for years and I’ve heard everything when it comes to hanging onto something. 

• So and so gave it to me, I just can’t get rid of it!
• Oh…but I got it at a great price! It’s a “designer ______!” 
• I just don’t know if 1) I love it,  2) it looks good on me, 3) it looks too old…too young…(The list goes on!)
• I had my first date with my husband/wife wearing this. 
• Do you know what I spent on this?! A fortune! (Uhh yeah, the tags are still on it. 🙂
• This was the suit that I wore to my first job interview.
• I walked the Great Wall of China in these shoes. 

Like I said, I’ve heard it all. And I do understand. Just because I’m a stylist, don’t think that I haven’t strolled down memory lane a few times in my closet or hung onto things that I know I need to say goodbye to. We’re all human and, like in some relationships, we can get a teensy bit too attached. The relationships we have with our clothing can be just as clinging. 

What I’ve discovered is that most people just want to have their “story” be heard as they walk down memory lane, and be given permission to let it go. As your stylist who wants you to have a wonderful, exciting, love affair with your clothing, I’m giving you that permission now. 

Whether, it’s an item that you loved to death (literally, because it’s threadbare!), inherited from your Aunt Martha who passed away, a gift from your mother, or something you bought on a whim because you were channeling Lady Gaga for a moment (No disrespect to those of you whose style icon is Lady Gaga), if you don’t love it or it doesn’t bring you joy to wear it, (or even to pull it out to look at it!), it’s probably time to say goodbye.

I can sense you cringing in the thought of abandonment, “What!? That’s it? Just get rid if it?”

Ok, if it feels too painful to say goodbye, take out a piece of paper and a pencil and write these questions down, or simply copy and print out this section below.  

Look at each piece that you’re struggling with getting rid of and ask yourself these questions: 

1. When was the last time I wore it? (Hint: If it isn’t a formal gown or a heavy wool coat needed only for your yearly trips to Alaska, and you haven’t worn it in over a year, you might want to consider ending this relationship.)
2. If I have worn it in the last year, why am I not wearing it now? (Hint: Rekindle the love that you once had by mixing it up with something you’ve never worn it with before. That ought to conjure up some excitement. Or check out the competition and see if you’ve got something similar in the wings that has stolen your heart. If it’s the latter and you’ve acquired a new love, say goodbye to the old.) 
3. Is it threadbare? (Hint: If your answer is yes, thank your clothing for giving you so many good, or not so good memories. Give it a good hug and kiss, and kindly, with love, toss it in the trash.)
4. Does it fit me? (Hint: If you’re waiting to lose that 5+ pounds, put the item(s) in a box and store with a ‘toss it’ date. If you don’t lose the weight, honor the ‘toss it’ date. Got it?)
5. Do I love it? (Hint: If you don’t shout out in excitement, “Ooh I love this ______!!” But, you just aren’t excited enough to wear it. Pass it off to someone who will.)
6. Can I sell this? (Hint: If the tags are still on, leave them on, consign it, and cut your losses. Or better yet, give it to a good friend who you know it will look good on, and enjoy seeing the excitement it will bring them when they wear it. Plus the joy you’ll feel knowing that your hangers-on will be someone else’s turn on, is priceless.)
7. What have you done for me lately? (Hint: If your clothing isn’t giving you what you want – making you feel: 1) more confident, 2) more attractive, 3) more successful 4) More __________(fill in the blank), perhaps you need to retire it, and find a replacement that can give you what you need. 

See? Once you answer the questions truthfully, saying goodbye isn’t so hard, right? 

If you’re still having a tough time, don’t be so hard on yourself. Sometimes we just want to hold onto something familiar even if we don’t love it anymore. In fact we even hold onto things that we know makes us feel bad. 

Crazy – Why do we do this? 

Because saying goodbye can be hard. Emotions and memories are wrapped up in the fabric of our clothing. There is a sense of comfort when we put something back on that conjures up good memories, and even the bad. So we hang on. Amazingly, if you let go of that article of clothing that brings up a sad memory, it can release that memory as well. 

I remember I hung onto an old boyfriend’s sweat pants. I wore them till they were thin, faded, and threadbare years after we had broken up. Every time I put them on, I thought of him, and they weren’t the best memories. I claimed that I kept the sweatpants because they were so soft and comfy, but the truth was, I was holding onto a feeling that I used to have for him. I didn’t miss him, but I missed the feelings that I had for him. It took a good friend to enlighten me on my actions and give me permission to let those ratty sweatpants go. With gratitude (Read the “Hint” on question 3), I finally did, and it felt wonderful. 

Do you need permission to let anything go? 

Permission granted. 🙂

Bonus Tip: If all else fails, and you’re really struggling with getting rid of something because it has a warm sentimental value, don’t stress. I have the solution if you must keep it: 

1. Remove it out of your main wardrobe closet where it is only taking up precious closet space;
2. Fold it neatly and wrap it in tissue paper;
3. Store it in a special place. Perhaps in a trunk or chest where you like to keep other sentimental valuables;
4. Pull it out, admire it, or put it on for a few minutes if needed, when you feel like strolling down memory lane;
5. Fold it neatly again and wrap it in tissue paper so that it’s ready for you to admire again and again when you feel the need. 

Now, it’s your turn. Your insights and inspiration are appreciated. Do you have a story you need to tell before you can let your item(s) go? I’d love to hear from you. 

Blog me.

Love,

~Michelle