Hey there,
Do you have a list of non–negotiables when it comes to the relationship you have with your clothing?
You know, certain things that you do before you enter into a relationship. Or certain things you won’t put up with.
I recently received this email from my reader Susan:
Michelle I loved your previous article on codependent relationships. But how do I stop from getting into them before I need to break it off and let things go? That is my issue?
Great question, Susan. We can get into relationships with our clothing that isn’t ideal because we become desperate – Desperate for something new and exciting. Desperate because we put off finding that perfect dress or suit (Yes, gentlemen, I have seen some choices in your closets that seem to have come from desperation too!) for that special event until the day of the event.
And when we don’t find that special piece that we crave or need, we can sometimes settle for whatever we can get at the moment. Then we barely wear it again because we didn’t really love it to begin with. And…we feel too guilty to just get rid of it. So we hang onto it, shoving it deeper and deeper into the depths of our closets.
Sound Familiar?
Don’t feel bad. I have been guilty of it too.
As your wardrobe therapist :), I’m requesting that from now on you don’t settle. Don’t settle for something that just makes you feel OK, when you can feel amazing. Like any successful relationship, creating a successful relationship with your clothing is no different. It takes time to cultivate and grow to where you are loving and wearing everything you own.
While shopping the stores there will be a lot of shiny objects vying for your attention. I ought to know. I am in the stores all of the time and clothing is continually shouting, “Buy me!” or “Hey, you – Over here!” or “You need me!”
It’s OK to like the idea of something; even get excited about it. But don’t get swept up into the excitement of the moment unless the item really suits your personality, and makes you feel however you want to feel (Beautiful/handsome, confident, sexy, etc.). Otherwise, just don’t buy it.
Like entering into a relationship with a chosen lady or gentleman, you should have a list of non–negotiables for your clothing choices.
Here’s my top five that I feel everyone should follow, and ones that I personally heed:
- Never shop without a list of your wants and needs. Period. Even list colors if necessary.
- Don’t shop last minute to find something for an important event. (OK, Halloween was an exception for me this year 🙂 I’m posting a picture of my Halloween Costume. Please email me yours and I’ll post it in the next newsletter so that others can enjoy yours too!
- Stick to your Style Mantra. I wrote about this before but in short, this is a 3-word mantra that describes your style. If the item isn’t in sync with your Style Mantra, smile at it for moment, take in the excitement of the item, and put it back on the rack.
- Tap into your feelings. Ok, if the item doesn’t make you feel a certain way that you want to feel when you put it on, don’t second guess yourself or make up excuses. (“Well…maybe I’m just not in the right mood to buy this right now. I’ll just take it home, and see how I feel about it later.”)
- Love the piece “solo.” When you buy something you should love it on its own with no embellishments or other items to wear with it. (Unless it is something sheer and you need a camisole to wear it with.) Then when you do pair it up with other clothing items and accessories, you will love the look even more.
Personal Non–negotiables:
If you have something that is a non–negotiable for you personally, add it to your list too.
- You can’t or won’t wear. Examples: allergic to wool, too much bling, too sheer. Even though they may seem obvious, if you have something like this write it on your list too. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen items in clients’ closets that they didn’t like for specific reasons but they bought anyway, either out of desperation or because they liked other details about the item. Unfortunately, when it comes to wearing any item that has something that you don’t really like about it, it is usually cast aside for another item that you completely love.
- Lifestyle challenges. Examples – You won’t buy Polyester because it makes you sweat. You won’t buy any item too complicated to put on because you’re always in a rush. Again, even though these may seem obvious, the thrill of shopping and buying something new can overtake your logic. Write these down too and stick to them.
One last important tip. Just remember when you buy anything fit is Queen/King. It goes without saying that your clothes should fit your body well. But that doesn’t mean that if it doesn’t fit off the rack, you should discard it. If it just needs a little nip and tuck here and there it is probably worth doing, if you love it. However, if the item needs too many alterations here and there, you may end up with an unrecognizable garment that is not even close to the original, not to mention, it probably won’t fit well.
After all of the money you’ve invested you’re sure to fall into a co–dependent relationship with this item. Don’t even go there. Find something else that excites you.
If you like these, write them down and take them with you when you go shopping. By sticking to your non–negotiables you’ll avoid getting into any co–dependent relationship with your clothing. In the end you’ll be so much happier in the relationship you have cultivated with your clothing. (And if I may suggest, make a list of your non–negotiables for your personal relationships too. 🙂
Thanks Susan, for your thoughtful question. I hope my answer was helpful!
That’s it for this week. I’m Michelle Moquin, your wardrobe therapist signing off.
Now, it’s your turn. I’d love to hear from you. Your insights and inspiration are appreciated so please share your stories in the comments below. And don’t forget to email me a picture of your Halloween costume if you want to be featured.
Blog me.
Love,
~Michelle
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